Tuesday, October 23, 2007

if these microwaves could talk

Donate a microwave to your faculty if you have an extra. School-based altruism just feels so good.

But what doesn't feel so good is when the faculty defiles your microwave. Disrespect it long enough, and next thing you know, the microwave may send out an email to your faculty:
Dear Faculty,

It is with great sadness that I come to you today to tell you of my intention to leave Springfield, this Friday, October 26.

I will miss all of you. Thank you for affording me the chance to cook your leftovers and mass-produced frozen dishes.

I am honored to say that I served as your microwave.

The Microwave in the Faculty Lunchroom
And the microwave would feel justified, proud, and optimistic, but the one who:
  1. Donated the microwave, and...
  2. Crafted the email on behalf of the microwave
Would get a barrage of emails expressing shock that he was really leaving his job.

Honestly, do people not read a three sentence email? Do people really not read?

Wait! I know the answer: NO, they do not read!

So...why on this goodly green planet do teachers always put on the 'golly-geewillickers' face when they lament the fact that their students don't read?

They'll say:
  • "I mean, honestly, the instructions are right there on the handout."
  • "I even bold-faced the task words."
  • "Oh, and don't even get me started on the obvious disregard for the rubric."
  • "It's like people make up their own guidelines as they go along."
  • "And every handout is available on the mail server, our Moodle class, and in a folder in the classroom."
  • "Why bother even putting a scaffolded assignment together? Just do some work and tah-dah!, you've earned a diploma."
  • "Books? Are you serious? Do any of them even read a single, grammatically correct sentence?"
  • "Microwave-generated emails? Unlikely! Did you hear that Ken is leaving Springfield this Friday?"


Taylor said...

You're leaving?

I keep my microwave in my room. All to myself. I'm a selfish bugger.

We have, essentially, no common place to put one anyway.

Are you really going somewhere?

Or am I a poor reader?

ken said...

@taylor: you fit right in! come to springfield, but bring your own microwave.

Kristin Hokanson said...

You've been working there for HOW long? You think by now, they would know to read ANYTHING you write carefully and thoughtfully...

Farfisa said...

Maybe your microwave could take a very short walk and I would make sure that it is loved and appreciated in Jenkintown.

Oh, wait, we have no faculty room. The architects forgot it.

I'm serious.