extracting quotes, like a witch

I found this article on CNN interesting and, this quote, shockingly accurate:

"One day, I took a broom to hit him and he started crying. Then I knew he was possessed by demons. ... Nigerian witches are terrified of brooms."

At first, I thought:

No brainer. He saw you brandish a broom and come at him. No wonder he cried. But making the jump to 'he's a witch' seemed absurd. Until I realized:

• When I was eight, my mother came at me with a spatula, and when I screamed, 'Aunt Jemimah!', my mother was convinced that I had been a ruffed grouse in a previous life.
• At my Bar Mitzvah, I inadvertently burped halfway through my torah portion. My uncle lept from his seat and cried out, "Unicorn!" Everyone kept their eyes rooted on me, but no one saw that there really was a unicorn walking in the back of the sanctuary. A pretty, beautiful unicorn.
• As the principal handed me my high school diploma, I dropped it on the dais. As I kneeled down to pick it up, the assistant principal bellowed out on the microphone, "He's a C student!" This one, I have to admit, has followed me ever since.
• I cried when I first saw 'Titanic'. No one talked to me for three months.