Monday, August 4, 2008

a nasty letter

Dear Mr. Rodoff;

It has come to our attention that 31 days have passed since your last post. At Google, we pride ourselves on active participation from our bloggers, but we also take equal pride in our invidious treatment of users who neglect their sites.

Please post at your earliest convenience. This letter represents Phase One, our first step in re-activating your active participation.

The following protocols have been established should you continue to neglect your blog:

Phase 2: A call home
Phase 3: Ridicule on Facebook
Phase 4: Posting personal photos from your elementary school days
Phase 5: Pretending to be you, we will post inane comments on other blogs¹
Phase 6: Falsifying 'Ken Rodoff' entry on Wikipedia²
Phase 7: Saturday morning detention
Phase 8: Releasing the hounds
Phase 9: Something plague-like upon your home, possibly the L.Lohan Virus
Phase 10: Email follow-up
Phase 11: Referring to your teaching practices as 'didactic'
Phase 12: Forced viewing of Greatest American Dog Season One-Unabridged
Phase 13: Anything whose origin can be traced back to a Michael Crichton novel
Phase 14: U-Streaming you
Phase 15: Parent-teacher conference with school disciplinarian, special education coordinator, truancy officer, and nurse

¹ we doubt anyone will be able to tell the difference
² at times, this does help

Thank you for your choice to use Blogger as your blogging platform. We look forward to reading your upcoming posts.

Odds are, you're working on one right now. Phase One tends to solve all issues.

Sincerely,

The Blogger Team

P.S. - It's a cheap move to use this letter as a post, so don't.

3 comments:

Farfisa said...

Hey, it's not like you're sitting in a recliner, eating nachos and slurping margaritas whilst watching "Designer Knockout" - otoh, if you are, could you drop a margarita off at my house?

Kate Olson said...

Hmmm, I'd have to say that the L. Lohan virus is WAY worse than the parent teacher conference, but that's just me :-)

Andrew Marcinek said...

You get a letter, I get a subpoena from my keyboard. Sheesh. Good to see you are back. Now, if only I could find my "z" key.