Trivial Detail

I need to provide a brief paragraph about myself for tonight's trivia competition.

For my introduction, I will use testimonials uttered by those who know me:

Mom-Mom Rose: "A good Jewish boy."

Former student Bruce S.: "Best teacher ever."

Former student Laurel M.: "From class to personality, easily forgettable."

Dr. Smolar, psychiatrist: "Another young man with daddy issues."

Student and Editor of our school newspaper, Dani N.: "Endless creativity and energy."

My mother: "I'd love him a lot more if he called more than once a week."

Assistant lacrosse coach, Megan O.: "Dedicated and enthusiastic."

My cat, Colby: "I don't care what he says, never get into a car with him" (recently euthanized).

A fellow colleague on the basis of anonymity: "You make me wish I had had you as a teacher."

Judge Householder, Montgomery County, PA: "A young man who must learn that golf carts are not designed for highway travel."

My wife: "He's just...Ken."