platform diving

Do I dare switch? It's still a work in progress, or maybe not. Maybe I'm just playing around, using another tool to perform the exact same task, like that time I decided to use my Spalding basketball for the first half, and my Wilson ball for the second.

What's a lonely blogger to do?

expiration dates

Perused the 'draft' section of my yet-to-be published post list. Some of the titles have some meat beneath them; others, boneless and skinless.

Are any of the following titles post-worthy?

• twitter is stupid
• drawn & daughtered
• even nicholas biddle's on FB
• all warped up
• too much info makes a bad pizza
• take that, olweus
• worried about thursday
• look ma, no 'no'
• a bit on the hi-fi receiver
• fast nickels, slow death
• 12oz confidence builder
• words, unutterable
• full-frontal lighting
• speaking through purgatory
• how to poop during a crisis
• do you see yellow?
• student up
• meals for a hypocrite
• the 5th trimester

There's a part of me that wants to tend to all 19, because, if left unfinished, then 19 more thoughts/ruminations/opinions have been left unfulfilled.

But if I go back and complete these would-be posts, then I feel fraudulent; as if my own thoughts no longer qualify as original or my own.

A blog is a terrible, wonderful thing.

tough to be thankful

Blog,

My life is primarily text dependent because of you. My mind, awash in ideas, is more confused than ever. Everything I do:

• drive
• shop
• teach
• spelunk

is now subject to your analytical whims. I should seek gainful employment at Adbusters. You've stripped away enjoyment from activities previously experienced and reflected upon with smiles and glee.

Recently, my family went pumpkin picking. I'm still thinking about those pumpkins - the arrangement, the chosen ones, the rejected. I feel for pumpkins dismissed, pumpkins groped, and pumpkins left for dead.

I'm still thinking about pumpkins.

Thank you, blog.

a nasty letter

Dear Mr. Rodoff;

It has come to our attention that 31 days have passed since your last post. At Google, we pride ourselves on active participation from our bloggers, but we also take equal pride in our invidious treatment of users who neglect their sites.

Please post at your earliest convenience. This letter represents Phase One, our first step in re-activating your active participation.

The following protocols have been established should you continue to neglect your blog:

Phase 2: A call home
Phase 3: Ridicule on Facebook
Phase 4: Posting personal photos from your elementary school days
Phase 5: Pretending to be you, we will post inane comments on other blogs¹
Phase 6: Falsifying 'Ken Rodoff' entry on Wikipedia²
Phase 7: Saturday morning detention
Phase 8: Releasing the hounds
Phase 9: Something plague-like upon your home, possibly the L.Lohan Virus
Phase 10: Email follow-up
Phase 11: Referring to your teaching practices as 'didactic'
Phase 12: Forced viewing of Greatest American Dog Season One-Unabridged
Phase 13: Anything whose origin can be traced back to a Michael Crichton novel
Phase 14: U-Streaming you
Phase 15: Parent-teacher conference with school disciplinarian, special education coordinator, truancy officer, and nurse

¹ we doubt anyone will be able to tell the difference
² at times, this does help

Thank you for your choice to use Blogger as your blogging platform. We look forward to reading your upcoming posts.

Odds are, you're working on one right now. Phase One tends to solve all issues.

Sincerely,

The Blogger Team

P.S. - It's a cheap move to use this letter as a post, so don't.

beetlejuice, beetlejuice, beetle-

Sometimes, I have thoughts that are impure. I feel dirty and vile, and then I take those thoughts and post them...

So, you don't blog for egotism? Forgive me for this one, but I'm staring @ that little Feedburner number over there on your blog and it's screaming 300 readers. Is this number meaningful for me, the reader?

I have a tough time digesting the notion that blogging is not about vanity.

There are far too many blogs with ClustrMaps and Feedburner stats to suggest that we aren't screamin', cravin', and cryin' out for some attention.

And now I feel really, really dirty. But I'm gonna go get me a ClustrMap! Oh...and don't forget to click on that big 'ol 'subscribe' button up there!

why grades kill souls

Thanks to the good people @ Website Grader for making it abundantly clear that I am not popular.

However, I'm big with the esoterics...um...smart people...um...brain-filled things with legs and other body parts...um...