updates have their place

This is what immediate guilt on Facebook looks like. For maximum enjoyment, read from bottom to top.

dear facebook person,

So I'm not sure where I left off, but I've been at Springfield HS for over a decade (gasp!), I have four kids (gasp!) all four and under, and I don't think I would change much.

I live outside of Philly, no different than any other year of my life, except my wonderful home is a twin, and I live in a town where people hang NASCAR flags.

My own property remains flagless.

Writing messages in Facebook is tricky for me b/c I'm looking at all the 'I's in this message, and shame is washing over me. Maybe it's because I think that my blog is my all about me place.

And then there's Twitter.

I'm going through some sort of tech crisis, and to make matters worse, the anchor on the local news just directed viewers to look at his blog.

And now there's a story about Twitter!

On Facebook, we can write as much as we want. On Twitter, we're limited to 140 characters. There's something dystopian about all of this, as I think the next app will, in true Orwellian style, truncate our language even more.

They'll release Sputr, and we'll be limited to 100 characters.

Then, in about a year, KerTale will invite us to express ourselves in 70 characters.

And the eradication of our text-based communication will be complete in 2011 when our 6" Dell Mini computers come equipped with a direct link to '?'

And the question won't be 'what are you doing?', but 'what can you say?' in four words.

of choices 2.0

Quick:

You are leaving. You are never coming back. You are allowed to bring your laptop. You are guaranteed enduring internet connectivity, BUT...

The Devout Network Administrators (DNA, which when you think about it, is both creepy and telling) will only provide/grant/unblock access to one social networking app,tool,thingy.

with or without you

Goodbye,'Whopper Sacrifice'.

What do you mean? Where am I going?

Haven't you heard? You've been dropped, or as some of the less clever have noted, 'sacrificed'.

But why? I'm a social-media marketers dream. What has Wendy's done to pump brand awareness? How about McDona--

Are you serious?

Fine. Look, there's no danger if I'm around. If anything, I've given Facebook users the chance to think about their beloved 'friends'. It's a heavy term, 'friend', and in truth, it shouldn't be deemed a collectible.

You're still outta here. And I can't help but notice some hostility in your voice.

What hostility? You're being ridiculous. Hey, I've seen your page. Three hundred friends? You don't have three hundred friends. I gave people an out, a way to refine their use and practice of the term 'friend'. What have you added to the social fabric?

Again, hostility. I think it eats you up --

Ha ha, that's funny.

--that people dropped their friends just to get a coupon for you. And in the meantime, how many friends do you have on Facebook? Twitter? You're alone. You've been alone. Your company dangled you out like bait. You're nothing more than a digitized bait-and-switch, a gastro-intestinal rope-a-dope.

Oh really? Well guess what? Sounds like you're talking about yourself and everyone like you. My company played you, no, fed you, words and whoppers, and you chomped at all of it. Empty words. Empty calories. And now, you'll just go back to empty friends. Have a nice life.

Well...I...but...you...I know! I'll follow you on Twitter if you follow me.

Really?

Really.

hiding behind transparencies

alternatively titled, 'teachers wanted - must own lens'

It appears that sending MP3 files to our email is a lost cause, but right now, at this very moment, the teacher needs the files and he wants them sent via email...only email.

I suggest a wiki, but he wants no part.

Today is not the day to learn wikis.

Pulling the files onto a flash-drive could work, but the teacher believes that will take too long. He needs the files, and he needs them now.

I suggest a wiki, but he wants no part.

Today is not the day to learn wikis

I go covert. I'm lateral movement and head-fakes. I'm surreptitiously starting a wiki. I'm finished. I show him the wiki, and he's got this odd technophobic stare going.

Students upload and listen. The teacher listens with a profound sense of acquisitive joy while one student tells the teacher that wikis are easy and that almost all students have used them in other classes. The student says:

Wikis are easy. They're a lot like Facebook.

And the teacher responds with:

I don't like Facebook. I don't know Facebook.

One student questions his thinking:

How can you not like it if you don't know it?

The answer:

Well, I don't want you to know that I don't know how to do something when it comes to technology.

I walk over to the teacher and whisper:

Doesn't matter. They already think this.